THE TEST FOR THE NECESSITY OF THERAPY FOR COUPLES
This
test is designed to help you decide if your relationship could benefit from
being in therapy. You can take the test alone or with your partner--discuss the
results together when you are finished.
THIS IS NOT A STANDARDIZED PSYCHOLOGICAL
TEST - INSTEAD IT IS A SELF-EVALUATION TOOL TO HELP YOU TO BETTER UNDERSTAND
YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
1.
ARE YOU COMMITTED TO YOUR PARTNER?
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NO
.............................................................................................VERY
COMMITTED
If
you and your partner have a commitment then you have both DISCUSSED the
decision to be together and to actively work on your relationship.
2.
ARE YOU ABLE TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY ABOUT REAL ISSUES WITH YOUR PARTNER?
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NOT
EFFECTIVE ......................................................................EFFECTIVE
Being
able to communicate openly about important and difficult issues is vital to the
preservation of your relationship. Think about how many areas you feel you
cannot or will not discuss with your partner. How safe do you feel bringing up
issues that are hard to say? If you have trouble in this area, then it is
vitally important that you learn to communicate effectively and a therapist can
be extremely helpful.
3.
DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR VALUES AND GOALS?
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NO
..................................MOSTLY ..........................................YES
Many
couples do not discuss what they want out of their relationship and what they
want it to be like in the future. It is critical that you know what is
important to your partner and what you both want out of being together.
4.
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE?
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OTHER THINGS
.......................................................................#1
PRIORITY
COME
FIRST
Is
your job, your car, or your hobby, more important than your relationship? How
much time do you put into each? What would you say is the most important thing
in your life? In order for a healthy, loving relationship to survive, it must
be your number one priority.
5.
DO YOU HAVE AN INNER FEELING THAT YOUR PARTNER IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU?
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NOT
SURE ................................................................................DEFINITELY
Couples
in love say that they have a deep inner feeling that they are with the right
person. If you do not feel this, then consider the reasons that your partner
does not seem right. If you are staying together just because you are afraid to
leave, then talk to a therapist for guidance.
6.
DO YOU HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR SELF, YOUR STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES,
DESIRES, AND WHAT YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?
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NOT
SURE ................................................................................CLEAR
SELF-UNDERSTANDING
Do
you understand how your upbringing affects your current relationship? Do you
know why you picked the partner that you did and why your
past relationships did not work out? Do you know how your
past relationships and expectations affect your current relationship? Therapy
can go a long way toward clarifying these issues.
7.
DO YOU HAVE A SATISFYING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?
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NEVER
........................MOSTLY .............................................ALWAYS
If
you have a satisfying, loving, physical relationship, then this will bring you
and your partner closer together. Do you find that it is easy to talk about
sexual issues? Many people have strong emotions in this area and even little
things, when not discussed, can lead to big problems. Therapy can be very
helpful when a couple is having sexual problems and often the sexual
relationship becomes much more satisfying in a very short time.
8.
DO YOU OR YOUR PARTNER USE DRUGS OR ALCOHOL?
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OFTEN
................OCCASIONALLY .......................................NEVER
When
drugs (whether prescription or illegal) or alcohol are used to excess, this can
put an enormous strain on your relationship. It is important to get help for
substance abuse if you want to have a healthy relationship. Contact a therapist
even if it is your partner with the problem.
9.
DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR INTERESTS?
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1
OR 2 ...........................SOME ................................................MANY
New
couples often consider a great sexual connection to be enough to sustain a
relationship. Other people think that if they finally get the beautiful or
successful person that they wanted, then that is enough to build a
relationship. In reality, you both have to like to do many the same things in
the same way because you will be spending a lot of time together.
10.
ARE THERE MANY STRESSES ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW?
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HIGH
STRESS ...........................................................................LOW
STRESS
There
are many sources of stress for a relationship and not all of them are bad.
Getting married, having a child, and moving to a bigger house are all examples
of good things that cause a lot of stress. Consider how many stresses exist in
your relationship right now. A therapist is often most helpful during times of
high stress and crisis.
11.
DO YOU
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NO
SUPPORT ...........................................................................MANY
AVENUES OF SUPPORT
Classes
were never taught about how to have a relationship and most people have only
seen poor relationship role models. It is inevitable that you will run into
situations that neither you, nor your partner knows the solution. Therefore, it
is good to know someone who can help you to figure things out when problems get
tough. Friends or family members can be helpful for you individually, but it is
best to find a therapist for dealing with a problem as a couple. This is
especially true if your partner feels that you and the person trying to help
the relationship are in an unfair alliance.
12.
DO YOU SHARE YOUR NEEDS AND FEARS WITH YOUR PARTNER?
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NEVER
..............................SOMETIMES .................................OFTEN
If
you only share your superficial thoughts with your partner, then you will not
have a deep, intimate connection. Sharing what you want is important for
getting what you want. Sharing your fears is important for deepening your
relationship. A therapist can be helpful in guiding you gently through this
process.
13.
DO YOU WISH THAT YOUR PARTNER WOULD CHANGE?
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MANY......................................................................................
MINOR CHANGES
SIGNIFICANT
AREAS
If
you have the idea that your partner is not exactly the right person for you but
that he or she will "come around," then you are not in the
relationship for the right reasons.
14.
DO YOU ACTIVELY PUT ENERGY INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
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NO
.............................................................................................VERY
MUCH
Do
you spend time thinking about your partner and what her or his needs are? Do
you think of activities for you and your partner to do together? Do you make
time for your partner?
RESULTS:
Go through each question on the test and decide if you would like to
improve your score. If you are content with the score that you received in each
area, and so is your partner, then couples counseling probably would not be
helpful at this time. But if only one partner decides that therapy is
necessary, then you both need to get help. If your partner refuses to go to
therapy, then go alone and learn the best ways to deal with the relationship
from your perspective.
If
you are unclear about whether or not you both need therapy after taking this
test, then talk to a counselor. In order to have a strong connection; you must
be clear with yourself and your partner about each area mentioned in this test.
For most people, that is very difficult. However, if you value your
relationship and it is a priority, then you need to make the effort to nurture
your relationship to make it grow.