TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY THAT IS THE QUESTION?
Answer the following questions as honestly as you
can. Answer them with the expectation that no one will see your response except
you.
1. Why do I think that I will have a good marriage
if I marry this person?
2. How do I view my role in marriage?
3. How does my potential spouse view my role in
marriage?
4. How do I view my potential spouse’s role in
marriage?
5. How does my potential spouse view their role in
marriage?
6. Do I know this person's goals and aspirations,
main strengths and weaknesses? If so, what are some of the most important ones
to him/her?
7. What do I like/dislike about this person?
8. What are my personal challenges with this person?
9. In what ways are we similar/different?
10. What difficulties will be caused by these
differences?
11. What is my ideal picture of the person I wish to
marry?
12. Is this person more similar or different?
13. What positive traits are most important in the
person I marry?
14. Does this person have them?
15. What negative traits would I not want in the
person I marry?
Does this person have them?
16. Which of my negative traits is this person not
aware of?
17. What will the reaction be when they find out, or
I reveal this to them?
18. Does the person know and accept the real me?
19. Am I hoping this person will change in important
areas after marriage?
20. On what do I base this hope?
21. If the person doesn't change, then what?
22. In what ways do we think alike/differently?
23. In what ways are our family backgrounds similar/different?
24. Will difficulties arise from these
similar/differences?
25. In addition to my positive qualities and
emotions, what faults and weakness in myself might be
at the root of my wanting to marry this person?
26. Do I have any inner feelings that I am likely
making a mistake?
27. Are there external pressures influencing my
decision?
28. Would I marry the person anyway?
29. How does the person bring out my virtues and
strengths/faults and weaknesses?
30. What reliable and unbiased people have I
consulted, or could I consult, about this person?
Review your responses and using the following scale
rate each question:
1 = Responses that you are totally able to share
with your potential
spouse without
distress
2 = Responses are that would be uncomfortable
sharing with your
potential spouse
3 = Responses are that you could you not share at
all
Your ability to share and receive information with
your potential spouse is a good indicator of the quality of relationship you
now have. Your inability and discomfort in sharing may be areas requiring
examination and growth before proceeding to marriage.
Add your ratings. A score of:
30 Healthy intimacy in
communication
31 - 49 Intimacy issues are present that need
to be addressed
50 - 90 Professional
help is advised for you and likely for the relationship
Additional Assignment:
Share with your partner, what makes it easy to share
some things and difficult or impossible for you to share other things. What
emotions (fear, guilt, shame, etc.) get in your way.
Tell your partner what you need from them to make it safer for you to share.
Important: Do not move directly from this initial sharing on emotions into sharing the actual content of the preceding exercise. Increased safety must be established over time before proceeding. DO NOT PRESSURE YOUR PARTNER TO SHARE BEFORE THEY ARE READY!